These days, there’s only one question on our minds:
But as long as we have to remain indoors, the characters of Schitt’s Creek know just the words to get us through it. After all, what’s really worse: being stuck at home or being stuck in a town you bought as a joke for your son? Jk, we’d take that town of misfits over our own homes any day.
Check out 10 Schitt’s Creek quotes to make quarantine a little more bearable.
1. One must champion oneself and say, “I am ready for this.”
When the going gets tough, the weak turn to Moira Rose for the ultimate pep talk. If you feel like breaking down and wallowing in self-pity, just remember: If Moira can muster up the courage to wear a top hat covered in feathers, you can find the strength to crawl from your bed to the couch. You’ve got this.
2. “I plan on popping a pill, crying a bit and falling asleep early.”
Same, David, same. And by “pill,” we mean aspirin for the headaches formed from looking at our screens 24/7. Those Pokémon aren’t going to catch themselves.
3. “Oh, I’d kill for a good coma right now.”
You need anything to make time pass a little faster. And you mean anything. Would you actually prefer a coma to staying home? Of course not, but if your lit prof taught you anything, it’s that hyperbole is a very effective tool for getting your point across.
4. “It’s…been a morning.”
You ever get ready to call it a night and then realize it’s only 10 a.m.? How did rearranging your sock drawer, Zooming your best friends and helping Mom pull weeds in the yard take only an hour and a half?
5. “We’ve done the best we can!”
You truly have done your best. You made it to (most of) your online classes, you attempted to read a book for fun (gross) and you even took a stab at cleaning out your closet (unsuccessful). So give yourself a pat on the back because, at the end of the day, what else is there to really do?
6. “Why would you have allowed this to happen?”
The question you can’t stop asking to whatever higher power you believe in. How did we go from 2020 being the year of possibilities to the year of inconceivable mayhem? And now there’s giant murder hornets? Seriously?
7. “That doesn’t sound even remotely correct.”
You ever see someone tweet something so scientifically incorrect about the pandemic, it actually makes your eyes bleed? But before you get into that Facebook comment war with your great aunt, ponder whether your mental health can really take that beating. Remember, you can’t fix stupid.
8. “I would be pleased to RSVP as pending.”
Who can make plans with no end date in sight? But rest assured that once you get the all-clear, you will attend any and all social gatherings with or without an invitation.
9. “I miss being surrounded by loose acquaintances who think I’m funny and smart and charming.”
Ah yes, the days of stumbling through a frat house with your besties, laughing as you tell the jokes you stole from TikTok. You really took those for granted, didn’t you? Because compared to today’s world, those were paradise.
10. “I guess my texts haven’t been getting through. Or maybe I’m sending them wrong?”
You ever question everything when your friends don’t answer one of your bajillion texts of the day? Did they not enjoy the stream of 25 TikTiks you sent or did you just forget how phones work?
11. “Pick up a hammer and nail this coffin shut!”
The perfect saying for when you decide to give up hope that 2020 will turn itself around. That said, the year’s not even halfway over yet; that’s enough time for things to get better, right? Right?
12. “D’you know I’m actually good at this?”
Every once in a while, quarantine isn’t so bad. Being forced to stay inside and interact with no one? Every introvert’s dream.
13. “I haven’t bedazzled anything since I was 22.”
No time like the present, David. When you’ve already organized your knits, cleaned all your vents and binged all your pending shows, pull out that bedazzler again for minutes of unparalleled fun.
14. “There’s nothing here but hot singles in my area.”
When you’re trying to keep yourself entertained but those dating apps keep pulling you right back in. Pause to ask yourself: are the singles really that hot or am you just bored?
15. “We don’t talk about our feelings. We keep them all inside.”
When stuck with your family 24/7, you gotta learn to bottle some of those emotions inside or risk World War III. That said, your bro repeatedly taking the last White Claw definitely qualifies as a criminal offense and he should face your wrath.
16. “What do you two talk about all day?”
You ever look at your parents and wonder how tf they still have things to talk about? They’ve been married for 25 years and still have new conversation topics in quarantine? How?
17. “I’m gonna need a stiff drink to get through this. Stiff.”
Tfw other states are planning to re-open but your stay-at-home orders got extended another month and a half.
18. “Who has time amidst all this chaos?”
When your boss wants to have the third Zoom meeting in a day. Come on, Bruce, we may be technically free but spiritually we feel very tied up right now.
19. “Don’t be a little B!”
The perfect saying for when your sis drinks the last of the wine or your dog steals your spot on the couch after you stood up for the first time in eight hours.
20. “Marinating in memories.”
Remember all the coffee shop study dates with friends? All the window-shopping on the weekends? All the lost games of beer pong on Frat Row? Cherish those memories, because right now they’re all you have.
21. “I’m through with trying to impress people.”
When your second Zoom class rolls along and you’ve already given up any semblance of sophistication. The fact that you rolled out of bed just to sit in your chair is dedication enough. What’s Brad gonna do? Call out the pile of dishes stacked up on your desk during the middle of lecture? I don’t think so, Brad.
22. “I’m feeling this, like, deep aching sense of dread.”
Remember months ago, when COVID was merely a blip on your radar? Back when you and your squad booked a summer trip to Costa Rica? And then your dad called to tell you to come home from school and you thought he was overacting? Yeah, you may not have felt the dread then, but you sure feel it now.
23. “You people are abusing the system.”
Like the rest of sound-minded society, Johnny Rose gets upset by people cutting holes in their masks to circumvent the system. Karma’s a witch, y’all.
24. “Somebody has to inspire these people.”
You, getting ready to show your family your third TikTok dance of the day. If “Renegade” doesn’t motivate them, nothing will.
25. “Now we’re all just getting the sillies.”
Mom’s on her seventh batch of margaritas for the day, Dad’s attempting to repurpose your seventh-grade atom project as a garden feature and your brother’s shut in his room listening to One Direction all day long. At this point “the sillies” is a massive understatement.
26. “Do I wear my fringed vest? Or, more importantly, do I wear anything under it?”
Which dress code rules still stand this far into quarantine? None. Absolutely none. Remember when you were 11 and wore your fuzzy shrug over your Hollister t-shirt and a pair of plaid Bermuda shorts? Mere child’s play compared to the looks you pull out now. Who says family dinner lacks pizzazz?
27. “The internet is a breeding ground for freaks.”
When you hit the “weird” side of YouTube our stumble across the incels of Reddit, it’s time to log off. While the internet holds a land of possibilities (ie extravagant European adventures we daydream about taking), the underbelly holds a steaming pool of, as David calls them, freaks. Save yourself the cringe and disgust and read a book instead.
28. “I’m starting to feel like I’m trapped in an Avril Lavigne lyric here.”
Dear COVID, why’d you have to go and make things so complicated? Like Avril, we are all starting to trip. We’re losing our grip, and it feels like we’re in this thing alone. So much for our happy ending.
29. “Why should I be the only one encumbered with this emotional cargo?”
To all the people on Twitter and Insta still going to the beach and having parties: knock it off. We haven’t seen anyone outside of our family for, like, 10 weeks at this point. Why should we be the only ones carrying that emotional weight?
30. “It’s just one long string of really bad luck and I don’t know what kind of carnage I inflicted in my past life to deserve it. I must have been Dracula or a spin instructor or something.”
Anyone else feel personally responsible for COVID? Like, life was just starting to get good, so of course the universe had to knock you off balance with a pandemic.
31. “Stop acting like a disgruntled pelican.”
When your sis just won’t stop complaining and your brother refuses to dance in your TikTok, hit ‘em with the disgruntled pelican comparison. It will shock them into compliance if nothing else.
32. “I told myself that I would enjoy my own company tonight.”
Tfw you know you still have a least a month left to go, so you might as well embrace quarantine life. Slap on a face mask, do some self-reflecting and learn to be your own best friend.
33. “Gossip is the devil’s telephone. Best to just hang up.”
You hear your phone ding, the only sound that brings you joy these days. You unlock your screen to see a message from your cousin: “My friend’s bf just heard through his coworker’s nephew that they’re ending stay-at-home orders in three days!!!” Before you celebrate, verify the intel. Like Moira said, gossip is the devil’s telephone, and you’re better off not answering the call.
34. “This might sound insane, but I’ve had this, like, nagging feeling that as soon as I get there, I’m gonna start thinking about my family.”
As crazy as it sounds, there’s a solid chance you’re going to miss spending quality time with your family after this is all over. So even when Mom and Dad get on your nerves, remember that one day you just might look back and miss these days (you know, minus the whole “pandemic” part).
35. “We’re all pitching in these days, dear. Like communists or non-union actors.”
At the end of the day, as much as quarantine sucks, we all know it’s for the best. Shout-out to everyone who’s managed to keep their spirits high and make life a little easier to everyone else. And to all our essential workers: THANK YOU.
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